Goodnight Kiddos

Hey guys, I'm flipping off the lights and locking up for the week.  Momma needs to focus on her WIP but I'll be back next Monday with a fun useless poll regarding Mockingjay and some zombie discussions.  I'll miss you all my little darlings.  Goodnight, don't let the zombies bite.

Muah!

XXOO's

Holy Freak Out...in a can.

This summer I plan to attend the SCBWI conference in LA and I paid the additional fees to have the first 15 pages of my manuscript critiqued. Recently my critique partner reminded me that our critiques are due some time in June.  In the back of my mind I flagged this date around the end of the month.  Wednesday morning I went to their website to get the full details of exactly when it is due.

****HOLY FREAK OUT IN A CAN****

It is due June 9th! NOT postmarked by June 9th but DUE in their pretty little hands by that day.  *inhales the contents of an empty paper sack*

I am not even through with my WIP (67% complete) and though I have given my first few chapters to my critique partner, I have NOT gone back to edit them yet. (I am faithfully waiting until the end to have distance and perspective.)  My CP and I have have discovered there are a few flaws.  Yes shocker, my first draft is not perfect.  But for me, it is the beginning that needs the most work.  The "hook" is M.I.A. and the "direction" is out to lunch.

So Wednesday morning I put on my rubber gloves, grabbed a scalpel and dissected my first two chapters.  It got a makeover and a three page haircut but I feel pretty solid.

*she sweats until she hears from Diana*.

Now all I have to do is my one page synopsis.

#@$&!
*grabs above can and sprays away*
*uses paper sack again*

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Here's more lovin' for you bloggers out there.

12 Greatest Literary One-Hit Wonders by The Huffington Post 
Very interesting.  You've heard of One-Hit Wonders on the radio but for books?  Some of them I recognize, others I have never heard of.  Check it out and let them know what you think.


How to Critique:  It's All In the Way You Say It by Query Tracker Blog
I think Carolyn Kaufmann gives a great "sandwich" example of how to critique someone's work.  Common sense and politeness can go a long way.  An remember, they are just asking your opinion.  And we know what they say about opinions...


Query Letters:  Links to Examples from gabrielleluthy.com 
No I am not ready to query yet, but I'm getting myself ready.  In doing so I found this webpage full of links of to "how to query" and examples.  Maybe there you will find something helpful.  (Her website is adorable. I love girl hanging out in a giant Margarita glass.  Too cute..)

Well everybody else is doing it!

Hey, I have a riddle for you.  Tweet and Retweet are sitting in a boat, Tweet falls out who is left?

Okay, enough nine year old humor.  So...I'm a Twitter now.  Or is it Tweeter?  I have no idea what I am doing but I joined because...EVERY BODY ELSE IS DOING IT. (You just can't say that without sounding whiney.) My beautiful and forever positive critique partner Diana is on there all the time and I thought, what the hay!   So feel free to follow me and I'll figure this thing out eventually.  So be patient, I have no idea what I am doing.  For now I am lurking but soon, very soon when I feel my wings are strong enough, I'll tweet.

HELLO. My name is....

Hi everyone!  I'm Dana Elmendorf, mother of two, happily married, YA writer who is ready for the big leagues.  So when you no longer see Girl with One Eye commenting on your posts, just know I've tucked her away in my pocket and she will still be there at heart.  

Why did I finally decide to let go of my pseudonym?  Well, I plan on attending the SCBWI writers conference in LA at the end of July.  I need to make sure my blog presence is established by then and the best way to do so is be me.  

Thanks to everyone who never questioned my cover id.  We'll have plenty more days ahead of us to get to know each other as real people.

Have a Happy Monday!  Happy Writing!

Your Blogger Buddy,

Dana Elmendorf

Blog Link Lovin'

I have found I really enjoy Nathan Bransford "This Week in Publishing" Fridays. As you can conclude, he takes a week in publishing and highlights all the hot topics that we, his readers, might find of interest.  I have found some really plump and juicy blogs through the "click here to read" links he offers.  From there I find more interesting reads, etc. etc.


In honor of his themed Fridays I dub my Fridays: "Blog Link Lovin'" Fridays.  I'll wrap up my week in a bundle of love by telling you about the blogs/posts that got me to thinking. Here are a few:


dear jenny han blog by Jenny Han
The author of the summer i turned pretty .  First of all, her blog is on Tumblr.  If you have never experienced that blogging world it is quite different from our "classic" blogging community over here at Blogger.  It is very artistic and posts are more random drops of imagination with the occasional lengthy "i have something to say" posts.  My favorite posts of hers are when she quotes something from her tween diary.  I laugh so hard because she sums up what I would have written if I had kept a diary during that time.   Her website is pretty cool too.


I woke up this morning. by Editorial Ass
See Stephenie Meyer, you think you are unique because you had a dream and wrote a book but that is what a lot of us writers do.  You don't get any "uniqueness" points for that. I find these lucid moments are not stifled by logics since most dreams are off the charts wack!  Yeah, that is probably why Einstein did opium.  


The "Dream" Agent by Natalie Balm
I have yet to create my agent list much less determined which agent would be my "dream" agent.  I don't want to get the cart before the horse.  I figure as I get closer to query time I'll do all that.  In Natalie's post she gives me some meaty questions to ask myself before I settle on just one.

TH. Mafi call me tahereh by Tahereh
I love love LOVE this girl. I want to be this girl, talk like this girl, think like her. I want slip into her room, try on her shoes and...ahem, okay. If you're not stalking her you should be. She's clever funny, uniquely individual and all things positive. Her force in the universe will pay itself forward. And she has a great contest going right now.

Gw/1i is Coming Out of the Closet

When I decided to start a blog, I took on a pseudonym.   Girl with One Eye was my favorite song by Florence + the Machine.  The artist's voice of that band spoke to me.  Her lyrics are poetic.

I took on a fake name for two reasons. One, I wasn't sure this "writer thing" would stick.  Second, most importantly, I dated a guy in high school who remembered my middle name and almost 20 years later found me on the net through my jewelry website.  That was a little scary.

So Monday, May 24, 2010, Gw/1i comes out of the closet and reveals her true identity.  Not only that, I will have a new blog look.  With the looming SCBWI's writer conference this summer and with the my third novel almost complete, I think it is time I do business as myself.  I need to make a blog presence as myself and let the cover of my pseudonym lay to rest.  And if "others" (aka people I know) Google me and find out I'm a writer, I am ready to answer their questions.  No matter how annoying.

But no matter what my real name is, I will always be your Girl with One Eye at Heart.

Madapple

Madapple
by Christina Meldrum
Genre: YA
Christina Meldrum is a wealth of knowledge in religion and law. (Hence her education: Bachelor of Arts in religious studies and political science from the University of Michigan and Juris Doctor from Harvard Law School.)  But beyond that she has an extensive knowledge of plants and their medicinal properties.  Because I cannot do the synopsis justice, here is what the book is about, straight from the jacket cover:

“The secrets of the past meet the shocks of the present. Aslaug is an unusual young woman. Her mother has brought her up in near isolation, teaching her about plants and nature and language—but not about life. Especially not how she came to have her own life, and who her father might be. 

When Aslaug's mother dies unexpectedly, everything changes. For Aslaug is a suspect in her mother's death. And the more her story unravels, the more questions unfold. About the nature of Aslaug's birth. About what she should do next. 

About whether divine miracles have truly happened. And whether, when all other explanations are impossible, they might still happen this very day. 

Addictive, thought-provoking, and shocking, MADAPPLE is a page-turning exploration of human nature and divine intervention—and of the darkest corners of the human soul.”

MY REVIEW
In the beginning of the story, Aslaug and her Danish mother collect herbs and the understanding for that “abusive” relationship is unraveled. (I quote abusive because it is not classic; verbal, physical or sexual abuse. I’m not even sure if you would call it mental. It is more like "psychologically altering" abuse.) We learn she is not only homeschooled but also isolated from the real world. We find ourselves in a disturbing place, trapped in the mind of her mother’s knowledge and fears. Aslaug must use her own intelligence to make her best way. Soon after the intro of the herb collecting, we flash forward to a courtroom, where Aslaug is on trial for murder. The chapters rotate back and forth from the time leading up to the trial and to the revealing courtroom testimony.

Let me just comment quickly on the disturbing relationship Aslaug has with her mother. It is written so vividly, you question if Meldrum gained the knowledge first hand. Amazing really. Also the courtroom chapters are written line by line, as if written by a court reporter. No description of what the character is doing, no dialogue tags, just verbatim what they are saying. It is there, I am awed because you still see each person's personality solely based on what they SAY. (Good exercise in dialogue if you ask me.)

If you are offended by religious challenges/comparisons to Christianity or scandalous characters in religious roles, you will not enjoy this book. Though the religious comparisons did become heavy and slowed the story down at times, they also enlightened me. This is NOT a dystopian novel but the knowledge of plants and their medicinal purpose spoke to the dystopian lover in me because that “end of the world” knowledge you will need to know.

I think the end tag line from the jacket cover says it best “Addictive, thought-provoking, shocking…” I would also add, disturbing. It is unlike anything I have read before. The cover is PERFECT and intriguing all in itself. Though I may not recommend you rush out and buy a copy, I would suggest reading it if you are given the opportunity (library, borrowed copy, etc.) I will have to say it may NOT be the book for you because it is “off.” And you may not find it as interesting as I did but one thing is for sure, Christina Meldrum is a very intelligent woman.

have vs want

Let's be honest, do you really care what I HAVE versus what I WANT ? No. But here I write about it anyway. But maybe it will lure you a little more if is about my "to do's" instead my actual possessions.

The way I look at it sleep sucks up makes up a third of my day, on a good day. Out of my 16 hours of back breaking work sunshine, this is what I HAVE to do: (In no particular order and not with complaint just obligation. Well maybe a tiny grumble.)

1. cook, feed, eat
2. clean, launder and repeat (or an attempt to appear I cleaned at some point)
3. care for ______ (fill in blank). Popular items at my house: neglected fish (singular, all the others died) or dying potted plants (See a theme here?)
4. socialize (people already think I live under a rock)
5. shower (though I enjoy the benefits, I hate the process)
6. microwave my coffee, again
7. tend to elderly dog (17 years running.  Not literally.)
8. keep family entertained and happy (Oy vey!  That will wear you out. Hence my 1/3 devoted to the pillow.)

Things I want to do. Besides shop, read my fashion magazines or decorate my home, I want to do a million writer things. What the writer in me WANTS to do:

1. blog, post, read blogs, comment (like the morning paper to some, it's my blog world for me.)
2. read another novel (get wrapped up in the drug high from flood of [fill in blank with emotion])
3. write, revise, edit my WIP (it's work it fun, work, fun, work, fun)
4. find a dream agent (not query just define)
5. make a list of agents whom I want to query one day
6. write a short story for publication
7. write my query letter
8. write a synopsis for my book
9. finish my writer website
10. write that other idea I started one morning after a dream
11. critique for my partner in crime Diana
12. take a creative writing class
13. join a local critique group
14. oh yeah! get published

I try to quiet the impatient voice that thinks all the above should have been done yesterday. All things take time and I am sure all of us experience life at some point. It happens when we least expect it and sometimes it takes away from our writer wants. Eventually we get back on track until derailed by life, and so is the cycle of a writer’s life.

Imagination Destroyer - One Child at a Time

This morning I have a sick little boy at home who has requested to watch Kung Fu Panda.  So I turn it on for him As controller of the universe, this is an easy task for me to fulfill.  I start the video and go to the microwave to warm my cup of coffee evil powers.  

He calls from the other room, “Mom, can you really do that?”  (He is referring to the Dreamworks boy who floats with a bunch of balloons all the way up to the moon and then goes fishing.)

My eyes gleam at the opportunity.  My mouth twitches as I try not to get too excited.  “No honey.  You can only get to the moon if you are an astronaunt with a spaceship.” I  logically answer his question.s successfully squelch his dreams.

Very excited he protests, “But he floated up there.”

“No honey, he’s just a cartoon and you have to have rocket power.”  Microwave buzzes and I retrieve my steaming cup of coffee adult.  I take a sip of its power.

My sickly four year old jumps up on the couch as life returns to his broken body “Holy cow Momma, look at this guy.” 

I return to find a Kung Fu Panda version of the before mentioned Dreamworks boy who scales the clouds with his Kung Fu abilities to fish from the moon.  My mind begins to formulate a logical, “Clouds are made of water and though they look solid you could not actually ‘hold on’ to them enough to really climb up to the moon.  Plus after you get to a certain part of the atmosphere, oxygen gets too thin and…”  But I realize that might be over his four year old head so I simply say, “He’s a cartoon too honey.  You can’t…you ca--, ca--, ca—“ I look at my cup of coffee dream killer.  I choke and gag on the words.  A tiny voice inside of me screams.  It is my own voice as a child and it rises above all else. 

What the heck are you doing? (okay more like the 15 year old voice inside of me but hey, it’s still a child)

“Scratch that.”  I tell the four year old.  “You get to the moon any way you want to.  I think I’ll put springs on my feet and bounce up there.”  And with that, I killed the Imagination Destroyer with one tall tale and went back to sipping my cup of coffee.

When did I forget to be a child?  Hello, am I not a fiction writer?  I can’t believe I seriously did that.  I really need to give this ADULT thing a reality check.

That’s all for now my loves.  Wish me a throw-up free Monday.  

Werdz, Wurts, Words – The Power of Lyrics

What does music and lyrics do to me?  Just like a good book it will take me to a place I might not otherwise find.  And when it does, it taps into a part of me and floods my body with emotions. You can find inspiration in a look, a touch, a book, a movie, a conversation or a picture.  Sometimes I can find it in a lyric, the specific words in a song that strikes a nerve.  Like the line of movie repeated over and over and reminds you, you are alive.

I always need new music, most especially Indie music.  Where do I find my music?  Several places, sometimes from viewers like you.  The best places to find music is from “playlist” of authors I love.  I know it sounds cheesy to create a playlist while you are writing a book but I think they are inspiring. 

Second best place for me to find new music, iTunes Genius.  If you scroll to the bottom of iTunes it will suggest new music you might also like due to what you have purchased in the past.  Also, right after you purchase a song it gives you a list of six more songs that you might like.  I usually take a quick listen and end up finding more music I love.

Here are a few of my downloads as of late:

 (to listen, see playlist below)

Running up that Hill by Placebo

                It is techno buzz meets Lincoln Park.  I don’t know why but I like
                it.  It’s different.

Indian Moon by State Radio (Not on playlist below, sorry.)

Man in the Hall by State Radio

Right Me Up by State Radio

State Radio is very Rastafarian which I usually don’t like because of the overly political messages and smoke’em up ways but I do like these three songs.

Sideways by Citizen Cope

Blues jazz soul…Oh damn.  This song swoons me.  Here are the lyrics in particular that speak to me: “These feelings won’t go away, they’ve been knocking me sideways.”  He is so in love with her that he can’t keep straight on his feet.  Le sigh. 

In the Sun by Joseph Arthur

I love the sound of his voice here.  His words are very poetic and if you like this, you will love his poetry blog.  If you can get past the edgy/scary artwork you will be pleasantly surprised.

Blue Eyes by Cary Brothers

Honestly by Cary Brothers

                From the author Jenny Han these songs are perfect for summer
                romances/crushes.

The Funeral by Band of Horses

Love Story by Taylor Swift

You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift

Okay I know what you are thinking….Taylor Swift is not “Indie” music.  You’re right.  But dang it, I love these songs, especially You Belong With Me.  I feel like putting on my husband’s high school football jersey, throw my hair in pigtails and jumping on the bed while singing this song…ahem…not that I have ever done that but I’m just saying. *girl tucks jersey under the messy bed covers*

Tonight by Lykke Li

This is the same artist who sang Possibility on the New Moon album.  The line I love is “…yesterday, the night before tomorrow.”  It’s a poetic way of saying Tonight.  Ah, swoon.

Back in Your Head by Tegan and Sara

To me this song screams how I felt in high school after I got dumped.  You just want back in the relationship, back in his head.

ENJOY!

The Secret Handshake

In the kitchen the other day my four year old announces to his older brother to do the secret handshake.  Though I want to watch the display, I know I am not allowed to watch.  The last time I tried to, they froze up refusing to show me or else it is not so secret. 

From my periphery I see my nine year old glances over at me.  I continue to poor the glasses of milk for them as if I have nothing else to detain my attention.  When he thinks it is safe, he does a high five/clapping game action followed by a modified fist bump and finished off with a pinky swear. (You can’t have a secret handshake without a pinky swear.) 

I turn and catch the end.  “What was that?”

“Secret handshake.”  they say.

“Yeah, and you can’t do it.” says the four year old. The two boys lock arms around each other’s neck firm I will never know their secret.

But what they really have secretly done is bonded as one.  In unity they have vowed to dedicate themselves to one another; for protection, to comfort in times of fear or to join in a roar of laughter.

Then a story is born inside me.  I see a character in a book I have yet to write come alive.  And I envision this character pulling strength from this memory.  So I tuck it away in my projects file.  I’m not sure when I will use it but when I do, I will build an amazing story from something so simple.

Where do your stories come from?

it's not summer without you by jenny han

it’s not summer without you  is the second book to Jenny Han’s
the summer i turned pretty.

Belly has visited Cousins’ Beach every summer every since she can remember and she’s had a crush on Conrad just as long.  Belly, along with her mother and brother, visit Susannah, her mother’s best friend who is fighting breast cancer and her two sons Conrad and Jeremiah.  (Sorry for the loaded sentence.) The first book talks about the summer she turns sixteen and Conrad finally notices her as girl and not that tagalong pestering little kid.  Jeremiah, Conrad’s younger brother also notices her.  At the end of book one you are left with a kiss between Conrad and Belly, a glimmer of hope that yes, she will win his love. Belly lives for these summers and her life exists between June and August but now that could radically change.

Book two starts off the following summer.  You are asking yourself:  Are Conrad and Belly together or does he break her heart?  Because sometimes he seems in love with her but then other times, you wonder if he just loves being loved so dramatically by her.  Does Susannah survive cancer?  What will happen to the summer house?  Jeremiah is falling in love with her too, what will Belly do about that?

In good ole Jenny Han flashback style, we dribble back and forth to the present, to the recent past and to the distant past.  By the end of the book we discover what has happened in the last year to lead up to these events that might cause them to lose the summer house for good.   And then just when you think you’ve answered it all, she throws you another hook.  I don’t know what the third book is called but I would buy it now if I could. 

Most writer advice is against the use of flashbacks unless it forwards the plot.  If you want a good example of how this is done properly, read Jenny Han’s books.  Every scene is relative to forwarding the plot.  My favorite scene is NOT the kissing scene, though it was fantastic and unexpected, but it is a flash back to when Belly is eight years old. 

She sits on the counter to the bathroom, her legs dangle while Belly’s mother and Susannah get ready for a date with their husbands.  Belly talks about her pathetic make-up bag with lotion, cherry flavored Chap Stick and blush brush with no blush.  But Susannah’s bag has all the eye shadows, lipsticks and other essentials every little girl dreams off.  The beauty of this scene is when Susannah wants to put eye shadow on Belly and her mom says “Please don’t give her hooker eyes.”  Susannah says, “They’re not hooker eyes they’re smoky.”  And cute eight year old Belly says, “Yeah mom, they’re not hooker eyes, they’re mysterious.” There is more where the dads comment on how she looks too old.  Mom starts calling her Countess which makes eight year old Belly feel even more grown up.

That scene, though I did not do it justice in my brief synopsis, took me back in time.  I, and probably every other girl has had some experience with make-up as a little girl and just dreaming of the day when they could be all grown up.  But being grown up is not so glamorous when you’re dealing with a broken heart, which sixteen year old Belly soon finds out.

Jenny Han captures youth, crushes, broken hearts and everything in between so vividly I would have thought she tapped into my memories and wrote them down.  You will find yourself reliving all of that in her book, and then some. 

Why do I write? I don’t have a poetic answer.

Crowe's Nest featured a post last week:  Rachel: Reasons I write.  After reading the article I was left feeling... empty.  Unlike Rachel, I don't have an old notebook from when I was five where I scribbled pretend words on paper.  Or like some of her commenters, who wrote as a child just to write themselves in the pages of Anne of Green Gables (fyi...I have never read it.)  From other posts on this subject I find most writers knew from the first time they read [insert classic novel title here] they knew they wanted to be a writer.  I did very little reading growing up and the few books I read were not "classics."  (VC Andrews is not classic right?)

No, I give typical answers like "to relive my teenage years" or "I need to be creative and poetic".  All the answers I try to come up with I find them to be simple, uninteresting and most of all uninspiring. Heck I didn't even think about being a writer until December 2008.

But I'll reveal the reason why I picked up a pen (or keyboard) and wrote my first book.  It's embarrassing to be honest because a lot of other authors, writers and whomever slam this fiction because of it's popularity.  But here's the real, unpoetic reason why I write:

I saw a movie.
I thought the movie was totally cool.
Lead guy crazy hot and hey...its a book.
A series to be exact, so I read the books.
Loved them!
Then I found out the author was a stay at home mom (like me) who had a dream and wrote it down.
Yes we all know who/what I'm talking about; Stephenie Meyers' Twilight.

Maybe you are rolling your eyes and trying not to vomit.  Me and a million other people were probably all inspired and are now trying to do the same thing.  But there comes a point where I have to say, this "writing thing" has turned into something more than just a thing.  It's been a year and a half and I am now on my third book.  Also in that year and a half, I have read over 40 books.  Prior to that, I have read maybe 20 books in the same number of years. (Books read for pleasure that is, not assignments in school.) I started a blog to share my passion and meet other people with the same passion, writing.  So I'm beginning to believe this "thing" is becoming my life.

And maybe this is the cheesiest story you have ever heard but its my story and it changed my life for the better.  So yes, I'm a Twihard or whatever they are calling it but I've got what every other writer out there has, inspiration.  Whether it's was Judy Bloom, Anne of Green Gables, Jane Austen, Twilight or whatever, you can't change what inspires you.  If you are dedicated to the craft, you will learn and grow and one day, if you've worked smart enough, you will be published.

So tell me, do you have a poetic reason why you write?

The Blog Cup Does NOT Runneth Over

What should I blog about? Do you find yourself asking the same thing? Even the greats have this issue.  Like Bethany Wiggins at Shooting Stars, see here.  

Though my WIP comes first and blog second, I don’t want to disappoint or bore my reader to death.  I started this blog to journal about my writing journey.  When I got my first follower I was SHOCKED because I couldn’t believe anyone wanted to read what I had to say (besides my beloved friends and family, Hi Season!)  And when I started this blog I was at the end of my first book so time was more readily available.

But that was then and now, if I have a free moment, I want to spend it writing.  Doing anything else is second.  In doing so I found my posts don’t have the umph they did before and it sometimes feels like work to come up with something clever or interesting to say.  Mostly because I save all my creative juices for my WIP, thus y’all get a lagging blog.  I also noticed my comments have trickled off to a minimum and my follower’s numbers creeps slower than a snail at a red light.  I told myself I didn’t care.  I’m here for me to journal and if someone finds it interesting then it is just icing on the cake.  But I do care. 

There are other things that I can factor in to rationalize why the comments and followers have slowed.

1. I changed the “rules” of the game (for myself). When someone comments, I don’t always comment on their blog.  I’m still okay with my rule change but I do think it affects my numbers. 
2. I’m not out there commenting on other blogs like I used too. I don’t even really have the time to read other blogs since I have chosen to spend my time on my WIP.  But again, I’m ok with not commenting because my WIP is my priority, so I will continue to keep that focus. 
3. My posts just aren’t interesting. That, I can try to fix. ("try" key word here)

There is only so long I can write about my journey that even I start to get bored.  So I’m going to talk about anything and everything that has to do with writing, which is kind of my journey since I discover these things along the way.  Most importantly though, I want to blog about what fuels and excites me, what I find interesting and if along the way you get bored, give my blog a break and come back to it later.

Stay tuned this week for:

• Why do I write? I don’t have a poetic answer.
• Werdz, Wurts, Words - The Power of Lyrics (My personal downloads and how they speak to me, most especially affect my writing. Lots of goodies I promise.)
• Book Review: It’s Not Summer Without You by Jenny Han (Oh swoon!)
• Blog Link Love (Blogs and posts I’m loving lately and I have to share.)

Where do you go for blog post inspiration?

Road to Nowhere

Sometimes do you feel like in your writing you are on a road to nowhere?  There are days the Doubt Monster sneaks in and pillages through all my possibilities, plunders all my strengths and leaves me stranded in the land of Ihavenoideawhatimdoing.  It’s a scary place to be.

Then there are days where you overhear your son tell a friend that “My mom is a writing a book.” in a bragging tone (even though you’ve told him a thousand times it’s a secret.  Secret because it’s too much pressure for me if people know what I do.)  And that’s when I realize, everyone starts somewhere.  All the authors I look up to once looked up to someone bigger than them for inspiration and even though I’m just at the beginning of my road, today, my son looks up to me.