(Redirect.) I love music. It makes me feel what I otherwise can’t conjure on my own in at any given moment. Recently I downloaded a new song, “Hazy” by Rosi Golan, featuring William Fitzsimmons. In the song she sings first, here are the lines:
I watched you sleeping, quietly in my bed.
You don’t know this now,
But there are some things that need to be said.
It’s all that I can hear.
It’s more than I can bear
What if I fall and hurt myself,
Would you know how to fix me?
What if I went and lost myself,
Would you know where to find me?
If I forget who I am,
Would you please remind me?
Oh, ‘cause without you things go hazy.
Sure it sounds, sweet, romantic…all those gooey things you’d expect a girl to think and feel. Now, just like the song does, take the exact same words, read (or sing) them again but this time from the guy.
Go ahead, re-read it if you need too. I’ll wait.
Yeah, way more powerful from the guys point of view because it makes him vulnerable. (Not to mention how sexy it is to have a guy watch you sleep. Only one ex-boyfriend did that and it bought him a little more time before he found the curb.) ANYway, that is what was wrong with my scene. The wrong person was speaking the emotion. I switched “he said” for “she said” and BAM, the scene worked.
Have you ever swapped the dialogue in your WIP? How did it work for you?
For your listening pleasure, here is "Hazy" by Rosi Golan, featuring William Fitzsimmons (my favorite song for now).
***Technical difficulties, can't seem to get the player up***
***Technical difficulties, can't seem to get the player up***