Just Putting It Out There

So many insecurities come from being unpublished.  It’s more so for me because I’ve never even queried a book, thankfully.  When I learned from all of you that the first book never gets published, I was crushed.  “Seriously?”  And thank god you guys were right!  My first book, though it has a great concept, SUCKS!  It has so much suckage, I’ve renamed it VACUUM by Dana Elmendorf. 

Then I started book two but halfway through I bailed it like a bad prom date for my current WIP.  Book two’s outline is written so thoroughly that I just need to drop in a “he said” and “she said” it will be finished.  But alas, the shiny new idea won out and I love love love my current WIP.  I love it so much I think I’m going to marry it.  And I’m so close to the finish line I can almost smell my gold medal.  Because every finished book needs something shiny to commemorate the hard work and there aren’t enough sparkly vampires in Forks to pass around.

This weekend I wrote like a marathon runner (or maybe half marathon) and put down 7423K words of pure goodness.  Now I’m 13,500K away from reaching my 85,000 goal, which I suspect I’ll surpass just trying to get the entire story out.  (To be whittled down later.)  “Pure goodness” I call it because you know how it is, one minute you’re a genius and then two months later when you look back at your work, you realize “genius” might be a euphoric state instead of an actuality.

But before you discount your genius, you roll around in it a while.  You think “If I finish my book before SCBWI conference, I can take copies of my MS and pass them out to all the Agents there who will adore my work and beg for representation on the spot.”  (Hell, they might even duel in the conference convention center right there.  Who knows?)  Then you read THE ROAD by Cormac McCarthy (while high on Genius) and you think “I could write a Pulitzer some day.”  (Hold on, I’m LMAO.  And I think I peed my pants.)

But wait a minute, who am I to dismiss myself so quickly?  Aren’t there enough people out there in life putting us down, keeping us in check and we’re dismissing ourselves too?  

I’m done with that.  No more, “keep it real Dana.”

Now I’m not going stand here and say “I will be awarded the Pulitzer some day.” because that’s not really a goal of mine (but it would be sweet, just sayin’.)  BUT (big but here. better here than in your jeans) “I will be published.” You probably won’t read on the SCBWI news headlines about a sword fight that broke out over one writer’s manuscript.  But if I don’t allow myself to dream about the possibilities of being published, what am I doing here? 

I believe in karma and the power of the positive working with the universe (The Secret or not).  This close to the end of my book, one that I love but my critique buddy has not yet cleaned up for me, I’m going work to get this baby published. 

I’m just putting it out there.